the one where I pulled a Salma Hayek

By now I'm assuming we've all seen the video of poor Salma Hayek losing her shit when she sees a snake during an interview. It's almost not funny because she seems so terrified. Almost.

My parents live in a rural area. Critters all around. The small city backs up to a Wildlife Corridor. Right now everyone is doing weed clean-up because it's fire season. So some critters come out of the dark places they should stay.

Yesterday I was driving to my parents house, driving along just minding my own beeswax. Then, ON THE STREET I SEE THE BIGGEST SNAKE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. I SWERVED TO AVOID IT, THANK GOD. Eeeew! Could you imagine how horrifying snake guts on my car would be?!?!?!?!?!?! Of course as I'm driving I can't take my eyes off the rear-view mirror, and I'm thinking "I should have killed it!" I hate snakes. & before you get all snakes-are-people-too on me, I didn't kill it. I did the right thing.

As I was getting closer to the snake I was like "that looks like a snake. no it's a branch. nooooo, it's a snake. IT'S A SNAKE. HOLY FUCKING HELL IT'S SNAKE. OMG I HOPE IT DOESN'T MAGICALLY MAKE IT'S WAY INTO MY CAR AND KILL ME." I'm rational.