for me

Happy October! Is it just me or is 2010 just flying by?! October is a fabulous month for me, not because Halloween is my favorite holiday, but because it kicks off the holiday season.  

I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love the family coming together, laughter, comforting & delicious food, leftovers, and the chill in the air. I mean... hopefully there will be a chill in the air, there's really no predicting that with Southern California weather. I didn't grow up with a lot of family around so our holiday gatherings were always really small, which was fine because I didn't know anything different. Since I've been a part of Ted's life I have come to have a whole new appreciation for large families. His entire family gets together for Thanksgiving, they all gather at my in-laws house, usually everyone brings a dish so my in-laws don't actually have to cook enough of everything for 30+ people. It's so much fun. Maybe it's so fun for me because I still feel like an "outsider" (not in a sad way) and there really aren't any embarrassing stories being rehashed about me, around the tables. Who knows, but I love it. Last year my mom started a tradition of Thanksgiving Breakfast so my family - my parents, my brother & his girlfriend, Ted & I - can get together and actually spend Thanksgiving together. That was so fun & a great tradition to start.

Of course then comes Christmas. What's not to like about Christmas?* Another fun, family filled holiday, & this time with presents!

So yes, it's easy to see that come October I am a happy girl.

*ask me again after we have kids

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I've also come to a couple of realizations lately... which is at least partly why I have been avoiding my blog like the plague. I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I don't even know what a healthy relationship with food is, but I know I don't have it. I would say around the age of 13 I started disliking the way I looked, by 15 I full on hated the way I looked, and by 18 I was obsessing over everything I put in my mouth. You would think I would be skinny, but I'm not. I don't even want to be skinny, I want to be healthy. So I'm tired of obsessing over everything I eat & drink. (boy do those liquid calories add up!) It's just not ok anymore. Instead of hating myself I've decided that I'm done obsessing. Here's my plan:

1. Make better food choices. Try to pick healthier options, but don't emotionally beat myself up if I enjoy Wendy's one day. 
2. Look at what I'm eating. Is this something I want to put in my body?
3. Slow down when I'm eating. This one is really tough because it's so subconscious. I grew up with my dad who loves to pick off of other people plates... whether you were done or not. So in turn I learned to eat extremely quickly... speed eaters ain't got shit on me. Sadly.
4. Exercise. ::sigh:: This one is so tough for me. I can be quite lazy. I can go all day long thinking "Yeah! Working out tonight!" and then one thing can derail me, something as simple as someone cutting me off on the freeway, and there's my excuse not to go anymore. I'm pissed off and stressed out, I just want to veg on the couch. Blah blah blah. It's never-ending. I know it's bullshit, everyone knows it's all bullshit. If I wanted to be at the gym, I would be at the gym. So now I just have to work on wanting to be at the gym. I know I always feel better (mentally & physically) when I work out. I need to hold myself accountable. Time to put on my big girl britches.
5. Make myself a priority.

So there is my 5 point plan for now. I don't expect drastic changes, I don't want to drop 15 pounds in one month, I want to create a healthy environment for me to thrive in for the rest of my life.